Oh Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.
I have loved the words of this Christmas hymn for years, even more so now that I know the metaphysical interpretation of our own Christ consciousness tis really the holy night that we all resonate with.
Many of you know of the journey I have taken the past year with brain cancer; in fact many of you have been on this journey with me hand-in-hand.
During this holiday season, I want to express my feelings of gratitude to my family and friends for all you have done with specific acknowledgement to my beloved partner Dan for his untiring patience and presence, to the support I have felt from the Bodhi Spiritual Center,(and my beloved Sangha group::Scott, Anjie,Ben, Richard, Dennis,Marsha, Douglas, Kristl, Margret), for the unconditional love and connection from my Dad and his wife Cindy, to my brothers for their great visits recently, as well as my mother. Thank you Mike for being the best co-worker anyone could ever ask for. Mark Anthony, Shakti, Scott L,the spiritual connection of our friendships and the honesty you allow has nourished my soul: thank you. Much appreciation to all the other spiritual healing practitioners for the sesssions and many prayers.
As I have shared with some at times, cancer has really made me question things. Tough questions about the meaning of disease and healing arose throughout the long, trying year, as I had brain surgery in January and then radiation and chemotherapy for six weeks in March and April, then the failure of a clinical trial drug in late summer, then another surgery in October in Cleveland with the hopes of a new vaccine treatmen,t that did not work; I awoke from the surgery with the left side of my body mostly paralyzed and needed a cane to walk. Most recently, after the Bodhi Spiritual Center raised money for a trip to go see the spiritual healer John of God in Brazil, the same week the trip was planned, I had a stroke that put me in a wheelchair, unable to walk, delaying the trip.
Yes, I have asked myself at times during the year as it seemed one thing after another occurred that surely felt devastating at the time: what did I do to deserve this? Was I being punished?
It was an old story from my childhood related to issues of worth and being gay and falling short of the love of God.
But something else happened this year as well, thanks to Bodhi and all of you, not to mention some surprises from my family of origin as well. The Savior that I have looked for so long,
I discovered was inside me all along, and my soul has now felt its worth from the overwhelming inexhauastable demonstrations of Love shown by so many of you during this journey called cancer.
So the question had to get larger: what did I do to deserve so much Love? The only answer I can come up with is that I must have always deserved all of the Love directed to me, not just now but throughout my entire life, even when others failed to tell me I deserved it.
Maybe cancer was/is part of some larger spiritual healing in that it has lowered the veil that kept me from seeing I was worthy every moment and that Love is coming towards all of us All of the time... we just have to be open to it. that’s the only sin or mistake or error::that we don’t realize in the moment, every single moment just how loved we are and that we are allowed to feel that Love. Thank you family, friends and Bodhi for helping me see the Light of my soul’s true worth...what a gift!
Let our worship of the Birth of the Christ child be a reminder to unconditionally love our divine essence.
O Holy Night!
